The Thing About Rainbows

There is no one way to feel upon realizing you are pregnant again after previously suffering a loss. The range of possible emotions runs the gamut. When I discovered I was pregnant with my rainbow baby, I had absolutely no idea how to feel as I looked down at that positive pregnancy test. I went…

Ok, you’re pregnant again and you hopefully have some renewed hope for the birth of a healthy baby.  Or maybe you’re like I was, terrified and a little shut down. I was too afraid to accept what I saw on that pregnancy test and start to hope. To start counting the months so I could…

Announcing that you are expecting can be a very personal decision, whether it is a rainbow pregnancy or not.  And, spoiler alert, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Some people choose to wait until they are past certain pregnancy milestones, while others choose to share the news as soon as they…

I want to start by saying, let’s get rid of the shoulds in this scenario (and many others). There are far too many shoulds in our lives, especially for mothers. Let’s not add this one to the list. Deciding whether to announce your rainbow baby pregnancy is a deeply personal choice. It’s a decision wrapped…

Deciding who you want to tell about your rainbow pregnancy is an extremely personal decision. Sharing such joyful yet anxious news takes some consideration. When I found out I was pregnant the second time and went into my state of denial, I wasn’t sure what to do about sharing the news. Not knowing how to…

Even if your pregnancy isn’t a rainbow pregnancy, this decision is big, and there are so many different elements that play a factor in it. What is your relationship like with your supervisor? How supportive are they? What about your coworkers? Is there a possibility you will be treated differently, or passed over for advancement…

Did you know that October is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month? I didn’t know about it until after I experienced my loss. So many people don’t. Which is exactly why we need it. And while it is so important to cast light on this sensitive topic, it can be so very difficult…

When I first heard about the Global Wave of Light, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Part of me was sad that I hadn’t learned of it sooner, while another part was sure I would not have been ready to participate right away. Whether you are pregnant with your rainbow baby or not, October…

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you might already know how I feel about “shoulds.” If not, let’s start there. There are far too many expectations around pregnancy and motherhood. Try to let as many of them go as you can. I put “should” in the title with the hope this post would…

Announcing a pregnancy might feel like an exciting milestone – “I’m pregnant again, I did it, we can breathe.” Or it might feel like a giant weight you cannot bear – “I am pregnant again but will it last, can I do this again, do I want people to know?” Maybe you are stuck between…

As we head into November and start to see the seasonal focus on gratitude that the Thanksgiving holiday brings, many of us are surrounded by reminders to reflect on what we’re thankful for. So I wanted to take this opportunity to talk a bit about gratitude; how it might be hard to find sometimes, and…

Navigating a rainbow pregnancy brings so many emotional challenges, and one of the most significant decisions you’ll face is choosing a healthcare provider who understands and supports your needs. The right provider can help you feel seen, respected, and cared for, but deciding on that provider can feel overwhelming, especially if you’re already overwhelmed with…

Finding healthcare providers you gel with can be really hard sometimes. And that only gets amplified when you are seeking one for something as sensitive as a rainbow pregnancy. For me, knowing I needed a new healthcare provider came at the beginning of my rainbow journey. I knew I never wanted to return to my…

There is no one way to feel when you discover you’re pregnant after a loss (I say this a lot because it is so true). A very high percentage of rainbow moms experience emotional disconnect in some form during their pregnancies. In fact, research shows up to 60% of parents experience trauma responses after loss….

Early appointments during a rainbow pregnancy can bring up some really complicated feelings. Or in some cases, a complete absence of feelings. For me, it was a lot of both – racing thoughts and emotional silence all at once or bouncing back and forth between feeling nothing and feeling every possible feel all at once….

There’s this odd paradox in rainbow pregnancy where you might find yourself caught between needing to prepare for a baby and being completely unable to engage with that preparation. If you’re experiencing this disconnect between practical necessities and your emotional capacity to handle them, you’re not alone. Seriously, you should have seen the fight I…

Have you ever found yourself staring at a pregnancy appointment card, completely unable to write the date in your calendar? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself obsessively researching every possible baby item, trying to make sure you have absolutely everything covered – just in case having the right things might somehow keep this baby safe. These…

The baby industry has very specific ideas about what pregnancy preparation should look like. You know those checklists that suggest you need to have the nursery designed by week 12 and your birth plan finalized by week 20? The ones that make it seem like you’re already behind if you haven’t started your registry the…

Time has a strange way of both standing still and rushing forward during pregnancy after loss. Some days, it feels impossible to think even hours ahead. Other days, the weight of approaching deadlines feels crushing. I remember having days pass by in a blur at work while I dug through my employee handbook and rabbit-holed…

The baby industry has very specific ideas about what pregnancy preparation should look like. A casual scroll through social media or a quick walk through any baby store makes it seem like there’s an endless list of “must-haves” and “essential” preparations. While some of these preparations might feel healing or exciting for some parents, they…

Have you noticed how pregnancy preparation advice tends to assume everyone approaches getting ready for baby the same way? Those typical checklists and timelines don’t account for the complex emotions that come with pregnancy after loss – or how those emotions might affect how we prepare. Looking back now, I can see that my preparation…

There are so many different feels to feel during a rainbow pregnancy. Joy, fear, relief, worry, hope, guilt, the list goes on. Each one of those feelings is scary all on its own in this situation. But all of them together? Downright panic-inducing. Enter denial. Denial is a place to hide from it all, that…

We hear a lot about how emotional women get during pregnancy (or all of the time, really) due to the hormones. We’re sold a slightly humorous picture of a pregnant mom who can be happily dancing around the house one moment and sobbing into her ice cream-covered nachos the next. So, shifting emotions sort of…

Something that can make it difficult to find your footing in rainbow pregnancy is how our emotional responses – and by extension, our approach to preparation – can shift dramatically throughout the journey. What feels impossible one week might feel manageable the next, only to become overwhelming again around a significant milestone or date. Looking…

Asking for help is hard. It doesn’t matter what the situation is, it’s hard. But it is even harder when you aren’t sure what to ask for. During my own pregnancy after loss, my denial was so intense that I didn’t even know I needed help. But I can look back and see just how…

“It takes a village to raise a child.” We hear this all the time. But that village doesn’t just appear one day. Whether you already have pretty supportive people in your life or not, finding and/or creating that village will take some work on your part. And that can feel overwhelming when it already feels…

Pregnancy after loss is hard. Full stop. So what we really don’t need on top of how hard it already is is someone telling us how we should be handling it all. Maybe someone pushes you to “just be excited.” Perhaps they dismiss your previous loss or try to fix feelings that aren’t meant to…

Some true statements from yours truly: But just because professional support might be really helpful, doesn’t mean going out and finding it is easy. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the idea of seeking professional support, you’re not alone. It feels hard because it is hard. This might be a good time to lean on someone…

Have you ever found yourself standing in a baby store, completely frozen? Or maybe you’ve spent hours researching car seats, only to find yourself overwhelmed by all the “must-have” options? The truth is, preparing for a baby after loss can feel like navigating impossible terrain. One moment, you might find yourself unable to even look…

There’s something about pregnancy after loss that is hard to understand if you have never experienced it before – how our hearts and minds find different ways to protect us through this complex journey. Maybe you’ve noticed yourself completely unable to look at baby items. Or maybe you’re on the other side of the spectrum…

Have you ever heard someone say, “It takes a village to raise a child” and wondered where exactly that village comes from? Because let me tell you, that village doesn’t just materialize out of thin air when you need it. Even with the most supportive people in your life, creating a rainbow pregnancy support system…

Have you ever found yourself staring at a pregnancy checklist, feeling completely overwhelmed by the gap between what “should” happen and what feels emotionally possible right now? Or maybe you’ve discovered that traditional pregnancy preparation advice feels tone-deaf to the complex reality of carrying a baby after loss, as if it were written for someone…

Have you ever found yourself lying awake at night, mentally scrolling through all the pregnancy preparation tasks you “should” be doing but can’t seem to bring yourself to tackle? Or maybe you’ve caught yourself comparing your preparation approach to other pregnant people and feeling like you’re somehow failing at getting ready for your rainbow baby….

Have you ever noticed how the word “boundaries” can make people uncomfortable? Even when we desperately need them? I remember sitting with my therapist during my rainbow pregnancy, trying to explain why every well-meaning check-in felt overwhelming. “It sounds like you need some boundaries,” she said gently. And honestly? The suggestion made me feel guilty….

Hopefully, you’ll never need this post. Ideally, the people in your support circle will respect your boundaries, adapt to your changing needs, and support you in ways that actually feel supportive during your rainbow pregnancy. But if you’re here, chances are a support relationship that started well has gotten more complicated. Maybe someone who was…

One rather awkward and exhausting aspect of support during rainbow pregnancy can be managing people who assume they should be part of your support system without being invited, or who think they know what you need better than you do. Maybe a family member expects automatic inclusion in your pregnancy experience. Perhaps a friend assumes…

An exploration of the unique challenges and emotions that come with planning for birth when you’ve experienced pregnancy loss When my midwife first mentioned creating a birth plan around 30 weeks, I felt this strange mix of panic and numbness wash over me. Part of me knew this was normal pregnancy milestone stuff. But another…

Pure permission-giving for whatever approach to birth planning feels right for you I need to tell you something that no one told me during my rainbow pregnancy: you have complete permission to approach birth planning in whatever way brings you the most peace. Full stop. Maybe you’ve been feeling pressure from others to create a…