Who Should I Tell About My Rainbow Pregnancy?

Deciding who you want to tell about your rainbow pregnancy is an extremely personal decision. Sharing such joyful yet anxious news takes some consideration.
When I found out I was pregnant the second time and went into my state of denial, I wasn't sure what to do about sharing the news. Not knowing how to feel about the pregnancy bled into not knowing how to feel about announcing it.
So, I let my husband take care of telling his family however he wanted to and I told my mom and my best friends. I told them they could share the news with anyone they wanted, it wasn't a secret, but I did not want to be present for any of those conversations.
I still hadn't figured out my own reaction and I didn't want to be around for anyone else's.

Release yourself from the pressures of what other people may think or want and just do what feels right to you. If you have suffered a previous loss, you'll know how it felt to have certain people in on the news.
Are there people you wish would have known so they could be there for you? Are there people you wish would not have known so you didn't need to experience their reaction upon learning about your loss?
Let's walk through the different layers of people around you and prioritize who to tell and how to do it the most comfortably.
Table of Contents
A Quick Disclaimer
Before we move on I want to state VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I write here should be taken as medical advice. I am simply here to share my own experiences in the hope it will help someone feel less alone, and possibly avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way.
If you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state, PLEASE seek help from a professional.
Your Partner
The first person you should share your pregnancy news with is your partner. This moment is deeply personal and sharing it with your partner first can help both of you process the information together.

See my related post: Telling Your Partner About Your Rainbow Pregnancy for a deeper dive on this.
This was entirely necessary for me. I was fully unable to decipher my feelings about finding out I was finally pregnant again, and I hoped my husband's thoughts and feelings about it would help me locate my own.
Your partner is (hopefully) likely to be nearly as emotionally invested in this journey as you are, so opening up to them can strengthen your bond and create a united front for the upcoming months.
You'll also want to be sure you are both on the same page when it comes to readiness (see my related post: Should I Announce My Rainbow Pregnancy? for more on readiness) and who you want to share with.

Are you and your partner feeling overwhelmed as you prepare for your Rainbow Baby?
Our free Together Through the Rainbow Guide offers a roadmap for couples, helping you navigate the unique emotional challenges and practical preparations that come with rainbow pregnancy. Learn how to support each other through this journey and feel more prepared and connected as you plan for your baby’s arrival.
Get your free toolkit now and find your footing together as a team.
Your Counselor/Therapist
If you have read any of my other posts, you understand my stance on this by now. If you don't already have a therapist, I strongly suggest you find one.

There are an incredible amount of feels to feel along your pregnancy journey, rainbow or not.
Having an established relationship with a trusted therapist before something goes wrong or nothing does and you suddenly find yourself with a newborn can be a huge benefit to your emotional well-being in the long run.
See my related post, When To Seek Therapy During A Rainbow Pregnancy for more on this and the resources below for finding the right counselor for you:
Psychology Today (United States):
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
or Mental Health Match (United States):
https://mentalhealthmatch.com/.
Your Immediate Family

After talking to your partner, consider informing your immediate family (blood-related or chosen, whatever this means to you). These are the people who know you best and have been through previous journeys with you. Trusted and supportive immediate family members can provide:
- Emotional support: They can offer a shoulder to lean on and understand your mixed emotions.
- Practical help: Whether it’s helping you with day-to-day tasks or accompanying you to doctor's appointments, they can be there for you.
- Encouragement: Their positive influence can boost your confidence and help alleviate some of your fears.
It is also possible that your immediate family won't provide any of that. If sharing your news with your family doesn't add anything to your life, you do not owe it to them to tell them.
You have enough on your plate without taking on any added family drama. If announcing your pregnancy to anyone in your family (or anyone at all) fills you with dread, I hereby grant you permission to keep this news to yourself.
Your focus in this moment needs to be on your growing family. Anyone who isn't going to help you with that can GTFO (sorry, not sorry).
Your Close Friends and Support System
Once you've shared your news with your partner and (anyone worthy of it in) your immediate family, it's time to consider telling your close friends and any other key members of your support system. This is anyone who plays a significant role in your emotional and mental well-being. They are the ones who will celebrate your joys and help you through any tough times.

When informing close friends, think about:
- Trust and Comfort: Choose friends who have shown they can keep your confidence and provide compassionate support.
- Support History: Lean on friends who have been there for you in past difficult times, who know what you’ve been through, and can offer genuine empathy.
- Practical Assistance: Friends who can help with everyday tasks or be a listening ear when you need to talk.
Sharing your news with close friends and your support system might provide an additional layer of comfort and security, making the experience more bearable and joyful.
Or not.
If you want to play this one close to the vest, do it. Anyone you consider telling should be adding something to your experience, not taking anything away from it.
I'll say it again for the people pleasers in the back. You do not owe it to anyone to announce your pregnancy if you don't want to.
For tips beyond announcement, for your rainbow pregnancy as a whole, check out my related post Navigating Your Rainbow Pregnancy.
Your Place of Employment
This is a tough one and will vary wildly by situation. For some, it will be best to mention it right away. For others, waiting until the latest possible minute will be the way to go.

You'll need to consider your workplace culture, your relationship with your colleagues, and any potential impacts on your role.
I was lucky enough to work in a supportive environment with a company that had good policies to protect my employment.
Unfortunately, this will not be the case for all of you.
So, let's break down a few considerations for announcing at work:
- Review your company's policies: review your company handbook and check the rights and benefits you are entitled to. If you need help with this, contact your HR department.
- Time it right: Some of you may need to communicate with your supervisor right away to get safe accommodations if you lift heavy objects or work with hazardous materials. Some of you may need to wait until the last possible moment because, despite lawful protections, you know you may be treated unfairly.

- Plan Ahead: Think about your needs and what accommodations you may require before informing anyone in your workplace. Be prepared to turn your announcement conversation with your supervisor into a meeting about your expectations for keeping your work life as low-stress as possible.
If you have any concerns about unfair treatment, be sure to know your rights and involve HR.
This is your story and you have the right to tell it on your terms.
See my related post, Announcing Your Rainbow Pregnancy At Work for a deeper dive on this.
Broader Announcements
Making broader announcements to extended family, acquaintances, and on social media requires a bit more planning and some deeper thinking. The timing and method of this announcement should be weighed against your comfort level and readiness.

For some, a big announcement might feel scary or overwhelming. For the band-aid rippers out there, it may be a huge relief to get it all out there at once.
If breaking things down into levels of announcements above felt like a lot of work you don't want to do or having to repeat your news to different people feels like too much, you may want to skip over all of that and just make one big announcement.
Or you may want to go through the different phases of announcing outlined above and then do a broader announcement for everyone else.
If you are looking for some inspiration for announcement ideas here is a Pinterest board I found with some ideas you can take and make your own (again, only if you want to go this route, it's ok to not do a big announcement).
Or you may not want to do a broad announcement at all. If you want to keep the circle of people who know small, you're allowed to do that.
Surprise! My answer for this is that you should do whatever feels best to you. And if your feelings about it change, go with it. If you start gaining some confidence in your pregnancy and you go from not wanting anyone to know, to wanting EVERYONE to know, you can announce whenever you feel like it.
Your Announcement, Your Choice

We're all different. Our journeys are different. Our support structures are different. So there is no one-size-fits-all answer to who you should tell about your rainbow pregnancy.
The main takeaway is similar to that of many of my other posts: do what feels right to you. Don't try to force something that causes you more stress. And definitely don't do that to yourself for the sake of someone else's feelings.
The supportive people in your life will understand that this needs to happen on your own timeline. Try not to worry about the rest. They are not as important as the life you are carrying.
If you are really unsure about how to proceed, start with your partner and/or your therapist. Lean on them a bit for sorting out how you want to move forward.
This is a big step during a very big time in your life. Take a deep breath (or whatever else might help you feel more centered) and know that you are not alone.
Before you go, I want to reiterate VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I have written here should be taken as medical advice. PLEASE seek help from a professional if you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state.