When Should I Announce My Rainbow Pregnancy?
If you've read some of my other posts, you might already know how I feel about “shoulds.” If not, let's start there.
There are far too many expectations around pregnancy and motherhood. Try to let as many of them go as you can. I put “should” in the title with the hope this post would reach as many momma's worried about “shoulds” as possible.
I like to keep the “shoulds” to a minimum here. The WHEN of announcing your pregnancy, rainbow or not, is entirely up to you. You do not owe anyone anything.
Except yourself.
See my related post Should I Announce My Rainbow Pregnancy? for considerations on whether you want to tell anyone about your pregnancy at all.
Despite the fact that you do not owe your news to anyone at any specific time, there may come a time that they will notice for themselves. If the thought of that fills you with dread, you will need to think about when to announce so you can protect yourself a bit.
So the when of your announcement really boils down to what will bring you the most peace. Would you prefer people bring it to you when they notice it for themselves, or would you like to get out ahead of it to have some control over the situation?
Neither approach is right or wrong. In a shocking turn of events, I am going to tell you to do whatever feels best for you.
If you are not sure what that is, this blog post is for you. I will dive into some of the considerations for when you might want to announce your news in different situations so you can come up with a plan that feels right (or the least wrong) to you.
And for guidance in other areas of your rainbow pregnancy, I've created a journal just for you.
Losing a baby is such a profoundly life-altering event. And the pregnancy that follows also comes with its own set of challenges. With weekly affirmations, thoughtful prompts, and space to explore connecting with your coming rainbow and your forever-loved angel, this journal provides support for the unique emotions and experiences that come with pregnancy after loss. Available in both printable and hyperlinked digital formats.
Table of Contents
A Quick Disclaimer
Before we move on I want to state VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I write here should be taken as medical advice. I am simply here to share my own experiences in the hope it will help someone feel less alone, and possibly avoid some of the mistakes I made along the way.
If you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state, PLEASE seek help from a professional.
First Steps in Considering When You (Might) Want to Announce
There are a lot of things to weigh when making this decision, such as significant pregnancy milestones, high-stress times, and your employment situation.
But before even getting into those things (more on them later), you'll want to stop and consider your own emotional state and WHO it might be best to start with.
Your Emotional Needs
- Take the time you need: Do you need some time to work through some of your own feelings? This is such a huge thing that is happening right now. It is ok to sit with it for a bit.
- Or don't: Do you need to blurt it out to someone now to help you begin processing what all of this means? I am here to grant permission to wait to announce for those who need it, but I am also here to say, “Do what feels right to you!” If you need to get it out now, go for it.
- Consider professional guidance: Are you in counseling already? If so, talking through your feelings with your therapist before making any decisions may calm some of the chaos in your head. If you are not already in counseling, I strongly suggest getting yourself some.
See my related post on When to Seek Therapy During a Rainbow Pregnancy for a deeper dive on the benefits of professional guidance during this time.
You have some time. Since we are setting aside “shoulds” here, you can take any time you need to sort through your own feels first or talk through some things with your counselor before you make any decisions.
Or if your news feels like a weight you need to get off your shoulders now, consider starting small with those closest to you while you make a game plan for everyone else.
How the WHO affects the WHEN decision
For me, the when was all wrapped up in the WHO and a bit of the how. I didn't want to make a big announcement this time around. And for the people I did want to tell, I needed it to be in person and one at a time.
Let's look at a couple different tiers of people in your life and consider when you might want to tell them your news:
- Your partner: If your partner is in the picture, they are likely going to be the first person you share your news with (if you want them to be, remember, try to throw out your “shoulds”). If this partner was with you through your loss(es), they are likely to feel at least some of the emotional turmoil you are experiencing. They will (hopefully) be someone you can lean on a bit as you make decisions on when to announce together.
See my related post on Telling Your Partner About Your Rainbow Pregnancy
for more on this.
- Your mental health counselor: Tell your therapist at the first opportunity. If you are not yet in counseling, go find some. There are resources to help you with this in my related post linked in the emotional needs section above.
- Close friends and family: Are there people in your life who know about your previous loss(es) and were helpful to you in the past? They may be people you want to tell earlier in your pregnancy if you need support.
- Your employer: read on for a full section on this below ⏬.
- Everyone else: This tier of people is more of an IF decision than any other tier. If you decide you want to make a broad announcement about your rainbow pregnancy, the when truly does not matter outside of what makes you feel the most comfortable.
For additional thoughts on this, see my related post:
Who Should I Tell About My Rainbow Pregnancy.
There are a lot of things that can affect your WHEN decision but for me, WHO was the biggest one. Start with people who make you feel safe and then consider your options from there.
But what was right for me may not be right for you, and that's ok. Let's go over some other aspects to think about that might help you find the best time for your announcement.
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Significant Pregnancy Milestones
Many expecting parents choose to announce their pregnancy after reaching specific milestones. Making it past these milestones may provide a sense of security and can help reduce anxiety. Here are some common markers to consider:
- First Trimester: Because about 80% of miscarriages occur during the first trimester, many parents wait until after the first 12 weeks, and the risk of miscarriage has significantly dropped, to announce their pregnancy.
- Heartbeat Detection: Hearing your baby's heartbeat can be a reassuring milestone for expecting parents so many who don't want to wait the full 12 weeks will choose to announce at this point.
- Anatomy Scan: Seeing your baby on the ultrasound can be an emotional and affirming moment. This ultrasound also usually happens around the 20-week mark, which is another milestone that comes with a significant drop in risk of loss.
- Genetic Testing Results: Waiting until you receive important test results may offer you some additional peace of mind.
If you don't want to base your decision on medical milestones, that is absolutely up to you. If one of the above, or some other pregnancy milestone makes you feel more secure in your pregnancy and you want to announce after that, go for it.
Big surprise, I'm saying there is no right or wrong way! Do what feels right for you and your partner.
For a look at the bigger picture of your rainbow pregnancy as a whole, see my
13 Top Tips for Navigating Your Rainbow Pregnancy
Keep High-Stress Times In Mind
Timing your announcement to avoid high-stress periods can make the experience more positive and less overwhelming. Consider the following factors:
- Work Commitments: It might be good to avoid announcing during critical work deadlines or high-stress projects. Choose a time when you can manage your work responsibilities without added pressure.
- Major Life Events: Consider steering clear of sharing your news during other significant life events, such as moving, weddings, or family crises. Announcing during a calmer period can help you keep your focus on the joy of your news.
- Holiday Seasons: While holidays can be a festive time to share, they can also bring additional stress and emotional challenges. Consider whether this timing will add to your stress or enhance your joy.
By choosing a less stressful time, you may be better prepared to manage the varied emotions that come up during this time and possibly even enjoy the process of sharing your happy news.
However, if waiting to announce your pregnancy until after some of the high-stress times above have passed is causing more anxiety than it's relieving, go with what feels best for you. (That's right, I'm doing it again, you really should go with what feels the best for you.)
You don't have to go through any of this alone. Consider joining our private Facebook group.
Your Place of Employment
Timing your workplace announcement can bring on a lot of anxiety. And there are so many things to consider as you make your decision.
Let's go over some of the aspects of this announcement you might be thinking about:
- Your rights and responsibilities: Check your employee handbook or consult with HR for policies you should know about and if there are any deadlines for applying for parental leave.
- Your safety: If you work with hazardous materials, lift heavy objects all day, or perform any other tasks that could be considered harmful to you or your pregnancy, you'll want to tell your employer right away.
- Your workplace environment: Hopefully you work in a supportive environment with no chance of discrimination based on your pregnancy. However, if that is not true for you (as pregnancy discrimination is still such a problem), there is no law in the US that states you must inform your employer about your pregnancy. In this case, your announcement decision can just boil down to safety, your own mental state, and ensuring you get any parental leave benefits you are entitled to.
For a full accounting of your rights under law, see the US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission's website about pregnancy discrimination: https://www.eeoc.gov/pregnancy-discrimination
- Your bump: If your bump will be obvious at some point and you want to get out ahead of any questions, you may want to announce before you start showing.
- Your scheduling needs: You will see an increase in the frequency of your pregnancy check-ups about halfway through your second trimester and may need to inform your employer so you can get some scheduling accommodations.
There are a ton of different factors that go into the decision of when to announce at work. Take some time to think about what will bring you the most peace and what will offer you the most protection (hopefully, those things will align, but that won't be true for everyone).
For a deeper dive into workplace announcement considerations, see my related post on
Announcing Your Rainbow Pregnancy at Work.
Finding the Right Moment
Deciding when to announce your rainbow pregnancy can feel incredibly overwhelming for so many different reasons. There is no right or wrong time to share your news.
If holding off on your announcement feels right to you, give yourself permission to take the time you need. There’s no rush, and it's okay to allow yourself space to think, plan, and feel.
If you’re feeling like you might explode or drown if you don't tell someone, try starting with those closest to you—people who have supported you through loss and can walk this road with you.
Put yourself, your pregnancy, and your peace of mind first. You are allowed to protect your emotional well-being, lean on those you trust, and choose a path that feels safe, no matter how different it might look from others'.
And as always, you are not alone.
For a broader look at announcing your rainbow pregnancy, check out
Announcing Your Rainbow Pregnancy: If, Who, When, and How
Before you go, I want to reiterate VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I have written here should be taken as medical advice. PLEASE seek help from a professional if you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state.
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