Navigating Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month while Pregnant Again

Did you know that October is designated as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?

I didn't know about it until after I experienced my loss. So many people don't. Which is exactly why we need it.

And while it is so important to cast light on this sensitive topic, it can be so very difficult for those who have experienced these profound losses to speak out.

Nearly 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in loss. That is such a startling statistic. But behind the statistics are real families navigating a complex web of grief and hope.

If you have experienced this profound kind of loss, I encourage you to be gentle with yourself this month. Some may find sharing their story to be a step toward healing. Others may find themselves needing to take a step back this month to avoid the many triggers they may come across.

In a shocking turn of events, I am going to tell you to do whatever feels right to you in this situation.

This month aims to break the silence surrounding the loss of a pregnancy or infant. It also goes beyond just spreading awareness, aiming to create a supportive, understanding community for those who've endured such heartbreak.

What is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month?

This month speaks for itself pretty clearly, but here is a little history about it.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month was established in 1988 by President Ronald Reagan as a time to honor and remember the babies lost through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.

It has since been adopted by some other countries around the world, while more still have their own versions (be they recognized days, weeks, or months).

“When a child loses his parent, they are called an orphan. When a spouse loses her or his partner, they are called a widow or widower. When parents lose their child, there isn't a word to describe them. –Ronald Reagan

Perhaps this lack of word or term to describe us lends itself to the silence so many of us experience around our losses, leading to the isolation we can so often feel.

October has been set aside to bring awareness to a topic that touches far more lives than most realize, giving voice to an experience often kept in the shadows. It’s a chance to honor the babies lost too soon and offer support to the families who’ve been through it.

And for those also expecting their rainbow baby, this time can feel bittersweet, layered with the complexity of past grief and current hope. You may find yourself balancing emotions that feel too big to carry all at once—and that’s okay.

Be gentle with yourself this month.

For more about this awareness month and its significance, see National Day Calendar's post about it.

Global Wave of Light

In 2002, October 15th became Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. And from there the Global Wave of Light was born.

It's a worldwide remembrance event that allows families to honor their lost babies. On October 15th at 7 p.m. in every time zone, families light candles and leave them burning for an hour, creating a continuous wave of light that stretches around the globe.

It aims to break the silence surrounding pregnancy loss, offer support to grieving families, and encourage conversations about this often-taboo subject.

For those pregnant with their rainbow baby, the Wave of Light can be an especially meaningful way to acknowledge both grief and hope.

Lighting a candle for your angel baby can be a quiet, reflective moment to connect with their memory, even as you prepare for the new life ahead. It’s a chance to pause, remember, and know that you’re part of a global community of families doing the same.

Understanding Pregnancy and Infant Loss

For some, understanding the statistics behind these losses can offer a sense of solidarity and awareness.

These numbers reveal the reality of what many individuals and families face, and they highlight the importance of raising awareness during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.

However, the following statistics may be hard to see for someone who is currently pregnant with their rainbow baby.

If seeing these numbers will be upsetting for you, give yourself permission to skip the statistics sections below and jump down to The Emotional Impact of Loss heading.

Pregnancy Loss Statistics

Pregnancy loss is a shared experience that, though deeply personal, impacts countless families each year.

Miscarriages, which refer to the loss of a baby before the 20th week of pregnancy, are more common than many think.

Experts estimate that somewhere between 10% to 30% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. The reason the actual numbers are so hard to pinpoint is due to many losses occurring before a person even knows they are pregnant.

For more information about miscarriage, see this post from March of Dimes.

Stillbirth, defined as the loss of a baby after the 20th week of pregnancy, affects about 1 in 175 pregnancies in the United States. This equates to roughly 21,000 babies lost each year, leaving behind grieving families who must navigate this unexpected and heartbreaking turn of events.

For more information about stillbirth, see this post from March of Dimes.

There are many different forms of pregnancy loss. Here are some of the common terms you may see come up this month.

• Blighted Ovum: Occurs when a fertilized egg implants in the uterus but doesn't develop into an embryo. The gestational sac forms, but the embryo does not.
  
• Ectopic Pregnancy: Happens when a fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, typically in the fallopian tube. This is a life-threatening condition and requires medical intervention.
  
• Molar Pregnancy: Involves abnormal growth of placental tissue rather than a viable pregnancy.
  
• Chemical Pregnancy: A very early miscarriage where the pregnancy is lost shortly after implantation, often before a heartbeat can be detected.
  
• Missed Miscarriage: The embryo or fetus dies but is not immediately expelled by the body. It may go unnoticed without an ultrasound.

About 80% of miscarriages occur before the 12th week of pregnancy, which is why it is not uncommon for pregnant persons to wait to announce their pregnancies until after this milestone has been met.

See Announcing Your Rainbow Pregnancy: If, Who, When, and How for more about the complexities of announcing a pregnancy after loss.

Infant Loss Statistics

In the United States, more than 20,000 babies (approximately 5.6 deaths per 1,000 live births) are lost each year before they reach their first birthday.

The reasons behind these statistics vary, but some common causes include birth defects, premature birth, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), and maternal complications.

See the CDC's page about infant mortality for more information.

Each statistic represents not just a number, but a child and their family's experience. Recognizing these figures helps us understand the scope of this issue and the critical need for support systems and awareness.

It also serves as a reminder that those who experience such losses are not alone. However, because this issue is so uncomfortable to speak about, it is often still incredibly isolating.

Raising awareness about pregnancy and infant loss isn't just about understanding numbers, but acknowledging these profound losses and the impacts they can have on the families who suffer them.

The Emotional Impact of Loss

One of the most challenging parts of a rainbow pregnancy is allowing yourself to feel joy and hope while also honoring the grief of your previous loss.

And for some, the challenge may be in feeling anything at all. This is what happened to me.

I was not able to allow myself any hope. This kept me from feeling anything related to joy or excitement.

It also kept me from grieving my angel baby. I was unable to work my way through any feelings at all during my pregnancy. Which is one of the reasons I advocate so strongly for seeking counseling during this time.

I missed out on a lot of opportunities to connect with both my lost little one as well as my coming rainbow.

For more on counseling and therapy during this time, see my other post:
When to Seek Therapy During A Rainbow Pregnancy.

Balancing Conflicting Emotions

During Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, conflicting emotions can feel even more pronounced. It’s natural to feel these conflictions—how do you celebrate the life growing inside you while mourning the baby you lost?

There’s no right or wrong way to navigate this.

You might choose to participate in a remembrance event like lighting a candle for your angel baby or writing a letter to them, allowing yourself to connect with their memory.

At the same time, it’s important to protect your mental health. Some days, you might feel up for commemorating your loss, and other days you may want to focus on the pregnancy you’re nurturing now. There may also be days when you need a break from feeling all of the feels.

Both approaches are okay. You’re not betraying one baby by loving another. Give yourself permission to feel it all and occasional permission to feel none of it.

While I do not recommend my path of intense denial, giving yourself intentional breaks from seeking emotional maturity while pregnant and mourning is encouraged.

Experiencing the loss of a pregnancy or infant is profound and life-altering. It touches every part of your life and reshapes your family's world in ways you never imagined.

For guidance through your rainbow pregnancy see my post:
13 Top Tips for Navigating Your Rainbow Pregnancy.

Managing Anxiety and Triggers

Pregnancy after loss comes with its own set of anxieties, and during a month that focuses so heavily on loss, those feelings can be amplified.

You might find yourself more sensitive to triggers—whether it’s certain conversations, events, or even seeing social media posts about loss. This heightened awareness is completely natural.

Managing these triggers can take many forms.

Consider setting boundaries, like limiting social media during this month or politely stepping away from conversations that feel too heavy.

You might also find it helpful to practice grounding techniques like deep breathing, journaling, or talking to someone who understands.

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Pregnancy after loss is already an emotional journey, and during a time focused on awareness, you might feel the weight even more.

And while it is true that sharing your story may bring you some peace at some point, it does not mean that point is now. If you think it would feel good to share, that is absolutely something you can do.

But if you are not ready, that is also ok. There are others who can take up the mantle of spreading awareness during this time and there is no need to feel pressured to take that on while you are navigating so much already.

That's right. I am here to say, again, that you should do whatever feels best to you in this moment.

The answer won't be the same for everyone, and certainly not at the same time.

All Losses Are Valid

One of the most important things to remember during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month is that every loss is valid, regardless of how far along the pregnancy was or how old the child.

Whether the loss happened at just a few weeks, during the second trimester, or after birth, the grief is real, and the pain is deep.

There’s no hierarchy of loss. No matter the stage, each family’s experience deserves to be honored, and no one’s grief should be belittled or minimized.

Sometimes, families who lose babies earlier in pregnancy feel that their grief isn’t as valid as someone who loses a baby further along.

But pain isn’t measured by gestational age. Loss is loss.

The hopes and dreams parents have for their baby start from the moment they learn of the pregnancy, and losing that future is heartbreaking.

Whether you lost a baby in the first trimester, experienced a stillbirth, or faced infant loss, your feelings are valid, and your experience matters.

No one should ever feel, or be made to feel, that their grief is “less than” someone else’s.

Every journey through loss is unique, but what remains universal is that each family’s experience is deserving of compassion and respect.

Be gentle with yourself no matter what type of loss you experienced or when it happened.

Connecting with Others Who Understand

There’s a unique kind of comfort that comes from connecting with others who truly understand what you’re going through.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month can be an opportunity to find women and families around you that share similar experiences. Whether you are ready to share your story or not, simply listening to others who’ve walked a similar path can bring you some peace or help you begin to process.

Being part of a community where others have also experienced loss and are now pregnant again can help alleviate the sense of isolation.

If you haven’t already, consider joining our new online community—a space where you can connect with women who understand the conflicting emotions that come with pregnancy after loss.

Together, we can share stories, offer support, and remind each other that while this journey is filled with challenges, we don’t have to walk it alone. Whether you feel like sharing your story or just observing for now, know that you are seen and supported.

Permission to Protect Your Heart

Give yourself permission to take this month at your own pace.

If you are expecting your rainbow baby, this month carries a unique weight. As you navigate this constantly fluctuating mix of emotions, remember that it’s okay to feel conflicted—grief and joy can coexist.

This isn’t a path with a one-size-fits-all solution. Some days you may feel grounded, and other days you may feel overwhelmed by the weight of it all. Both are completely normal.

There is no right or wrong way to walk through this month. However you choose to approach it, your feelings are valid and you are not alone.

Before you go, I want to reiterate VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I have written here should be taken as medical advice. PLEASE seek help from a professional if you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state.