A Rainbow Pregnancy Guide to Switching Healthcare Providers

Finding healthcare providers you gel with can be really hard sometimes. And that only gets amplified when you are seeking one for something as sensitive as a rainbow pregnancy.

For me, knowing I needed a new healthcare provider came at the beginning of my rainbow journey. I knew I never wanted to return to my previous provider.

And I got really lucky with my first choice that time. I felt as comfortable as I could with them, given that there was going to be some added anxiety based purely on the circumstances.

I did end up having to switch providers toward the end of my pregnancy but that was due to complications that meant moving from a birth center to a hospital and my midwife was so wonderful she facilitated the move herself.

But not everyone will be so lucky. The first provider you go to may not be the right one for you. And that's ok.

If there is a whisper in your heart telling you something needs to change, it deserves to be heard.

For anyone walking the path of pregnancy after loss, your relationship with medical care carries extra layers of complexity. Every appointment, every interaction, every decision carries the weight of our past experiences and our hopes for this precious pregnancy.

Looking for guidance in other areas of your rainbow pregnancy? Start here:
13 Top Tips for Navigating Your Rainbow Pregnancy

Recognizing the Need for Change

Sometimes the signs that we need a change in care show up in quiet ways. Perhaps it's the knot in your stomach before appointments, or the tears that come after.

Maybe it's the way your provider brushes past mentions of your angel baby, or how your carefully worded concerns are dismissed as “just pregnancy anxiety.”

If your provider isn't listening to you and making room for your feelings and concerns now, it may be really hard for you to feel safe with them throughout your pregnancy and during labor.

In a rainbow pregnancy, emotional safety is essential. Your need for care that honors both your past and present journey isn't just valid; it's vital for both you and your baby.

This understanding can feel particularly challenging when you're already navigating the complex emotions of pregnancy after loss.

Signs that may suggest it's time to consider a change:

• Persistent Physical Unease: Reactions like knots in your stomach or overwhelming anxiety that feel tied specifically to your provider and not just pregnancy-related stress.
  
  
• Feeling Unheard or Invalidated: Consistently having your concerns brushed aside, minimized, or dismissed as “just anxiety.”
  
  
• Constantly Repeating Yourself: Finding that you need to repeatedly explain your feelings, history, or need for reassurance without acknowledgment or understanding.
  
  
• Leaving Appointments Drained: Consistently walking away from appointments feeling more anxious, unsupported, or emotionally exhausted.

It can sometimes be hard to recognize these feels when there are already so many other feels during a rainbow pregnancy. If any of the above are resonating with you, try to sit with why for a few moments.

Journaling can be very helpful when working through these types of decisions. Check out my rainbow pregnancy journal for progress tracking, spaces to reflect on feelings around medical appointments, and pages to write letters to both your angel and rainbow babies:

Supportive Provider Relationships

The relationship you have with your healthcare provider should feel like a partnership where you feel seen, heard, and supported (in every scenario but especially in the unique experience of a rainbow pregnancy).

The right provider won’t just care for your physical well-being—they'll hold space for your grief, your hope, and everything in between.

What you deserve in your care goes far beyond medical expertise. You need a provider who sees and supports the whole of your experience. You deserve someone who:

• Creates Space for Your Emotions: Makes room for the grief, joy, fear, and hope (and everything else) that come with a rainbow pregnancy.
  
  
• Honors Your Journey: Acknowledges the strength and wisdom you've gained through your loss without minimizing or dismissing it.
  
  
• Validates Your Concerns: Understands your need for additional reassurance and takes the time to address your concerns with compassion.
  
  
• Recognizes the Weight of Your Past: Respects how your previous loss informs and shapes your current pregnancy journey.
  

The midwives in charge of my care during my rainbow pregnancy were phenomenal. The were gentle with me and understood my fears. With them, I never felt dismissed or like I was making something out of nothing.

Everyone deserves that level of care.

Unfortunately, many providers are trained in how to care for you physically but do not have a deep understanding of what you might be going through mentally. Or how that might tie in with how you are physically.

When something feels like it's missing in your care, it’s natural to question yourself. But that unease isn’t something to ignore—it’s your heart’s way of telling you what you need. Trust that insight and use it to guide you toward care that truly supports you, in ALL of the ways that you need it.

Trusting Your Instincts

It’s natural to have doubts when considering a change in your healthcare provider, especially when you may already feel so overwhelmed by your rainbow journey. The weight of this decision can feel heavy because it is such a big one.

If you’ve found yourself questioning your feelings, let’s pause to address some of the thoughts and questions that might be circling in your mind:

• “Am I being too sensitive?”
  Sensitivity is not a flaw; it’s a strength, especially in sensitive circumstances. Your emotions are a vital part of how you navigate this journey and advocate for your needs.
  
  
• “What if I regret making a change?”
  Change can feel risky, but regret often stems from staying in situations that don’t feel right. Trusting your instincts and prioritizing your emotional safety is never the wrong choice.
  
  
• “Is this just pregnancy anxiety talking?”
  This one can be especially tricky to navigate if you have a provider who is continuously dismissing your anxiety as “common.” While pregnancy anxiety is common, dismissing your concerns entirely doesn’t serve you. If your feelings persist, they’re worth exploring. Your emotions are valid, no matter their source.
  
  
• “What if I can’t find someone better?”
  Change can be daunting, but there are many providers out there who may better align with your needs. Taking the first step opens the door to finding someone who can truly support you.
  
  
• “Will my provider feel hurt if I leave?”
  It’s natural to worry about this, especially if you’ve built a rapport. But your provider’s feelings—or the financial implications of losing you as a patient—are not your responsibility. Prioritizing your emotional safety and your baby’s well-being is what matters most.

Ultimately, you know yourself and your needs better than anyone else. Trust your instincts—they’re there to guide you.

If something doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to honor that feeling and take steps toward care that truly aligns with you and your journey. You don’t need anyone’s permission but your own to follow your gut.

The Path Forward

If you’re feeling called to explore a change in care, remember this: researching your options doesn’t commit you to making an immediate decision. Taking time to explore what’s best for you is an important step, and it’s okay to move at your own pace.

Here are some ways you can get started:

1. Begin with Reflection

Understanding what feels out of alignment with your current care is a key first step. Reflection helps you identify your needs and clarify what you’re looking for in a provider.

• Journal Your Thoughts: Write about what feels like it's missing in your current care. Are there specific interactions that left you feeling dismissed or unsupported?
  
  
• Consider Emotional Safety: What does feeling emotionally safe in your care mean to you? Think about how you’d like your provider to respond to your concerns or validate your experience.
  
  
• Give Yourself Permission to Pause: Unless you are right at the end of your pregnancy, you don’t need to have everything figured out today, this week, or even this month. Take the time you need to explore, reflect, and decide what feels right for you and your baby.

• Prompts To Try: Consider using these prompts to help you get to the bottom of your unease.
  
  
  • How do you feel before, during, and after appointments? Are your emotions calm and reassured, or anxious and unsettled?
    
    
  • What does your gut tell you about your current provider? Are you staying because it feels safe and supportive, or because you’re afraid of making a change?

Try to focus more on getting closer to what truly feels right for you rather than finding fault with yourself or your provider.

For some more guidance on what you might want in a provider and further prompts for exploration, see my free Provider Compatibility Guide:

2. Gather Information

Once you’ve reflected on your needs, you can start gathering information about potential providers and care options.

• Do Some Research: See if you can find providers who specialize in pregnancy after loss or who emphasize emotional safety and support.
  
  
• Seek Recommendations: Loss mom communities can be valuable sources of advice and suggestions based on shared experiences.
  
  
• Explore Your Options: Understand how your insurance, location, and timing might influence your choices.
  
  There is a website called HealthGrades that lets you search for providers based on your location, your insurance, and their specialties. It may help you narrow your search.

Exploring your options does not mean you are committed to making the change. But gathering this information can help you make an informed decision.

If you're looking for more about what to look for in a provider, my post on Choosing the Right Healthcare Provider for Your Rainbow Pregnancy offers deeper insights.

3. Build Your Support System

A strong support system can help you feel more grounded and confident. This might feel like a big step, but you don’t have to navigate it alone.

• Talk to Trusted Loved Ones: Share your thoughts and feelings with people who understand and support you. Their perspective might help clarify your decision.
  
  
• Connect with Loss Moms: Hearing from others who’ve been through similar experiences can provide reassurance and practical advice.
  
  
• Work with a Therapist: A counselor who specializes in pregnancy after loss can offer valuable emotional guidance as you navigate these decisions. See my related post about When to Seek Therapy During a Rainbow Pregnancy for more guidance.

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Switching providers is a daunting task and a big decision, but you deserve care from a provider you feel comfortable with.

Trust yourself to know what’s best for you and your baby. You don’t need to rush or have all the answers right now.

Finding Care That Fits

You deserve care that honors your whole story. You deserve support that holds space for both your grief and your hope. You deserve a provider relationship that recognizes all of the nuances that come with carrying a rainbow baby.

Your intuition has guided you this far, even when trusting it might have felt difficult after your loss. It's helped you survive, navigate grief, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, even when it felt impossible.

Trust that same intuition now as it guides you toward the care you and your rainbow baby deserve. Each step you take – whether it's reflecting on how your current provider makes you feel or diving into some research about new providers – is a step in the right direction.

You don't have to have it all figured out today. Making changes in your medical care during pregnancy takes tremendous courage. You've got this, momma, and you are not alone.

Before you go, I want to reiterate VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I have written here should be taken as medical advice. PLEASE seek help from a professional if you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state.