Creating Your Rainbow Pregnancy Support Circle

Have you ever heard someone say, “It takes a village to raise a child” and wondered where exactly that village comes from?

Because let me tell you, that village doesn’t just materialize out of thin air when you need it. Even with the most supportive people in your life, creating a rainbow pregnancy support system requires intention, care, and sometimes, a whole lot of courage.

I remember standing in my kitchen during my rainbow pregnancy, trying to explain to my mom why I couldn’t feel excited about something I had wanted so desperately.

I didn’t have the words then to explain how it felt like tempting fate, how hope felt dangerous after loss. But while my clumsy attempts were not easy for her to understand, they were met with such gentle curiosity that it helped me feel safer letting her in.

Not everyone is so fortunate. And even with wonderful support people around you, building a support system during pregnancy after loss comes with unique challenges.

Maybe you’re protecting yourself by keeping your pregnancy close to your heart. Perhaps you’re worried about managing others’ emotions alongside your own.

There is also the exhaustion that comes with having to educate anyone who might support you because your situation is only understandable to those who have experienced something similar.

Or you might be experiencing such strong denial (like I was) that reaching out feels impossible because that would mean acknowledging this pregnancy might continue.

Whatever your current reality, you deserve support that truly meets you where you are, instead of where others think you should be.

Start With One: Your First Support Person

Don’t think, just say a name. Who makes you feel safe?

It could be your partner, a parent or family member, a friend, a therapist, anyone who creates that feeling of safety for you.

In my post about finding your initial support person, we talked about taking that first step toward creating support — identifying just one person who might be able to walk alongside you in this journey.

If you’ve already found that person, you’ve taken an incredibly brave step. That first connection creates a foundation that can make exploring additional support feel safer.

If you haven’t yet found that initial person, that’s okay too. Sometimes professional support might feel like a safer first step. Or perhaps you’re still working through what kind of support would feel manageable right now.

Wherever you are is valid. There’s no timeline for building support, and there’s certainly no rule that says you need to expand beyond that first support person if that doesn’t feel right for you.

But if you’re finding yourself ready to consider what additional support might look like, let’s talk about how to build from that initial foundation in a way that feels safe for your heart.

Assessing Readiness to Expand

How do you know when you’re ready to expand your support circle? It’s not always obvious, especially when protective responses like denial or hypervigilance are part of your experience.

Looking back at my own rainbow pregnancy, I can see certain shifts that might have indicated more readiness:

• Finding it easier to acknowledge the pregnancy in certain contexts
• Noticing practical needs that one support person couldn’t meet alone
• Feeling less overwhelmed by the idea of more people knowing
• Beginning to think (with a fair degree of panic) about later pregnancy stages and birth
• Recognizing specific types of support my existing circle couldn’t provide

You might notice your own unique signals of readiness, or you might not feel ready to expand at all. Both are completely valid.

If expanding does feel like something you’d like to explore, working with your initial support person can make this process feel safer. They can help you:

• Identify potential additional supporters who might understand your needs
• Think through what information you’re comfortable sharing
• Strategize ways to communicate your needs clearly
• Create safety plans for potentially difficult conversations
• Step back if expansion starts feeling overwhelming

The safety of your existing support relationship provides a secure base from which to explore additional connections. And if at any point expansion starts feeling like too much, it’s absolutely okay to pause or step back.

Framework for Different Support Network Sizes

One thing I’ve learned through both personal experience and supporting others is that there’s no “right size” for a support network during pregnancy after loss. What feels manageable and helpful varies tremendously from person to person—and might even change throughout pregnancy.

Let’s explore what different support network sizes might look like, keeping in mind that the “right” size is whatever feels safe and sustainable for you.

Minimal Support Approach

Some parents find that keeping their support circle very small—perhaps just one or two key people—feels safest during rainbow pregnancy. This might look like:

• Working primarily with one trusted person (partner, close friend, family member)
• Adding just one professional support person (therapist, doula, etc.)
• Keeping pregnancy information very private
• Focusing on depth of support rather than breadth

This approach can be especially helpful if:

• You’re experiencing strong protective responses like denial or disconnection
• Privacy feels particularly important for your emotional safety
• Managing multiple relationships feels overwhelming
• You’ve had difficult experiences with support in the past
• You simply prefer deeper connections with fewer people

A minimal support approach doesn’t mean insufficient support. Often, one or two deeply understanding people can provide more meaningful support than a larger network that doesn’t get it.

Medium Support Circle

As pregnancy progresses, some parents find themselves ready for a slightly broader circle—perhaps 3-5 people who serve different support functions:

• Primary emotional support person (often partner or close friend)
• Practical support person (helps with daily tasks, appointments, etc.)
• Information/research support (helps gather information when needed)
• Professional support (therapist, healthcare provider, etc.)
• Occasional support (someone for specific situations)

This approach can work well if:

• You’re finding different needs emerging as pregnancy progresses
• Your primary supporters have limitations on availability or capacity
• Specific situations require different types of support
• You’re gradually feeling more comfortable with limited sharing
• Different types of support feel helpful for different challenges

A medium support circle often develops organically as pregnancy progresses and specific needs arise. You might find yourself gradually including people for particular purposes rather than making a conscious decision to “expand.”

Broader Support Network

Some parents find comfort in a wider support network, especially as pregnancy progresses toward birth and early parenting. This might include:

• Core emotional support people (partner, close friends, etc.)
• Extended family members in specific supporting roles
• Healthcare team members who understand your journey
• Professional support providers (therapist, doula, etc.)
• Practical support people (meal preparation, childcare for other children, etc.)
• Community connections (pregnancy after loss groups, etc.)

This approach might feel right if:

• You gain comfort from community connection
• Practical needs require additional hands
• Different people naturally serve different support functions
• You find sharing with certain people feels increasingly safe
• Preparation for birth and early parenting prompts more practical needs

You may find that you are only comfortable with one size of support circle for your entire pregnancy or that it fluctuates as you go. Everyone is different and so are their needs.

If it’s difficult to pinpoint what kind of support circle feels right for you at this moment, here are some other posts that might help you delve a little deeper into where you’re at:

Emotional Response Patterns in Rainbow Pregnancy: Why You Feel the Way You Do
How to Honor Your Natural Rainbow Pregnancy Preparation Style
Understanding and Managing Emotional Disconnect in Rainbow Pregnancy

Making Support Simpler: The Support Circle Workbook

Finding the right kind of support during pregnancy after loss feels a bit like trying to build a safety net while you’re already falling.

If you’re finding the idea of creating a support system overwhelming (which, honestly, who wouldn’t?), I’ve created something that might help.

The Building Your Support Circle Workbook gives you a gentle, structured approach to identifying your support needs and communicating them effectively.

I created this workbook because I remember how difficult it was to explain my needs when I was still figuring them out myself. It offers self-assessment tools, communication templates, and boundary-setting frameworks specifically designed for the complexity of rainbow pregnancy.

There’s also a companion workbook for your supporters, giving them the education and tools they need to support you without placing the emotional labor of explaining everything on your shoulders.

Strategies for Protecting Privacy

Whatever size support network feels right for you, protecting your privacy and emotional safety remains paramount. This becomes especially important if you do choose to expand beyond your initial support person.

Here are some strategies that might help:

Information Management

• Create tiers of information sharing (who knows what)
• Decide in advance what details you’re comfortable sharing
• Have standard responses ready for common questions
• Consider what pregnancy milestones/dates you want to keep private
• Be clear with supporters about what information can be shared with others

Setting Group Boundaries

• Establish clear rules about social media sharing (if any)
• Create guidelines for discussing your pregnancy in group settings
• Define who can be told what and when
• Clarify how supporters should respond to others’ questions
• Consider having a designated “information manager” who helps coordinate

Communication Guidelines

• Create systems for updating supporters that feel manageable
• Set expectations about response times to messages
• Establish preferences for how people check in with you
• Define emergency contact protocols
• Consider creating a code word for difficult days

Your support people are there to support you, which includes respecting your boundaries around privacy and information sharing.

These strategies are meant to help you maintain control over your own story and emotional experience. But if you’re at the beginning of your support journey, it can look like a complex recipe for creating a bunch of rules for yourself and your loved ones.

As always here, take what serves you and leave the rest.

Balancing Support Needs

One of the trickiest aspects of building a rainbow pregnancy support system is balancing different types of support needs without overwhelming yourself or your supporters.

During my rainbow pregnancy, I needed different types of support at different times—sometimes practical help when I was physically exhausted, sometimes emotional space when appointments triggered anxiety, sometimes distraction when waiting for results felt unbearable.

Understanding these different support types can help you distribute needs across your circle in ways that feel sustainable:

Different Types of Support

• Emotional support: Listening, validating feelings, holding space for complexity
• Practical help: Assistance with daily tasks, appointments, preparation
• Medical advocacy: Support during healthcare interactions, help with questions, notetaking
• Information support: Research assistance when needed, filtering information
• Emergency backup: People available during particularly difficult moments
• Specialized support: Professional help for specific needs

Distribution Strategies

• Match supporters to their natural strengths and comfort zones
• Rotate requests among different supporters when possible
• Be specific about what kind of support you’re seeking in the moment
• Create systems for regular check-ins that don’t require your initiation
• Consider whether certain support might better come from professionals

Preventing Overwhelm

• Check in with yourself about what support feels manageable to receive
• Create space between support interactions if needed
• Have systems for “pausing” support when you need breathing room
• Remember that saying “not now” doesn’t mean “not ever”
• Honor your need for privacy and processing time

The goal of support is to make your journey feel more manageable, not more overwhelming. Sometimes that might mean less support rather than more, or different support rather than more of the same.

Professional/Community Resources

Sometimes our personal support networks—no matter how loving—can’t meet all our needs during pregnancy after loss. That’s where professional and community resources can become invaluable additions to your support system.

These resources aren’t replacements for personal connections, but they can offer unique benefits that make good additions to a strong support structure:

Support Group Integration

Pregnancy after loss support groups provide something uniquely valuable—connection with others who truly understand this path without explanation. Whether in-person or online, these groups can:

• Create space where complex feelings are normalized
• Offer practical wisdom from shared experiences
• Provide belonging when you might feel isolated in your regular life
• Allow you to both receive and offer support

I recommend Postpartum Support International and/or Pregnancy After Loss Support for their robust online support group offerings.

Online Community Building

Online communities like our private Facebook group for rainbow parents-to-be can provide:

• Accessible support any time of day or night
• Privacy to process emotions at your own pace
• Connection with others at similar stages
• Freedom to engage or step back as needed

Local Resource Connection

Depending on your location, you might find local resources specifically designed for pregnancy after loss:

• Hospital-based support programs
• Community pregnancy centers with loss-informed care
• Local doulas specializing in rainbow pregnancy
• Parent groups for families after loss

Talk to your healthcare provider about options in your area. Any pregnancy care provider worth their salt will have a list of resources for you to check out.

If you haven’t initiated care with a healthcare provider yet or are not satisfied with your current care, these posts might help:

Choosing the Right Healthcare Provider for Your Rainbow Pregnancy
A Rainbow Pregnancy Guide to Switching Healthcare Providers

Professional Guidance

As we explored in How to Get Professional Support for Your Rainbow Pregnancy, specialized professional support can provide:

• Expert guidance through emotional complexity
• Tools for managing anxiety and fear
• Space to process without managing others’ feelings
• Integration with your medical care when appropriate

I should have added on therapy much sooner than I did. If you are open to it, this is a great place to start looking for support. I recommend looking for someone who specializes in perinatal matters or trauma-informed care.

Emergency Support Plans

Having clear plans for particularly difficult moments can be an important part of your support system:

• Crisis hotlines for immediate support
• Designated emergency contacts
• Healthcare provider emergency protocols
• Clear steps for supporters during difficult times

These professional and community resources can work alongside your personal support network, each meeting different needs or providing support in different contexts.

Building Support at Your Own Pace

Throughout this post, we’ve touched on a lot of different aspects of creating a support system during pregnancy after loss. But perhaps the most important thing to remember is that this is your journey, and you get to build support at whatever pace feels right for you.

Some days you might feel ready to let someone new into your circle. Other days you might need to step back and protect your heart. Both are valid responses to the complex reality of pregnancy after loss.

Whatever your support journey looks like—whether it’s working primarily with one trusted person, gradually expanding to include others, or creating a broader network from the beginning—what matters is that it feels right for you.

You deserve support that honors both your grief and your hope, that respects your need for protection while helping you navigate necessary tasks, that sees and validates wherever you are on this complex journey.

If you’re looking for connection with others who understand where you are, consider joining our private Facebook group for rainbow parents-to-be. You’ll find a community that understands the delicate balance of grief and hope, protection and preparation, that defines pregnancy after loss.

Because while the saying “it takes a village” may be true, what matters most isn’t the size of your village—it’s whether the people in it truly understand and honor your unique needs during this tender time.

Before you go, I want to reiterate VERY CLEARLY that I am neither a Medical Health Care Provider nor a Mental Health Care Provider. Nothing I have written here should be taken as medical advice. PLEASE seek help from a professional if you have any questions or concerns about your pregnancy or your emotional state.